Rants & Roars
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| Tiger Bean Rants & Roars |
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Friday, November 01, 2002 The chitter chatter going on in my head. It's unbelievable. Good angel, bad angel stuff. I'm getting tired of the mood swings too. My life has basically been one big fat nightmare since I decided to quit "the program." One would have thought that I would have felt nothing but immense relief, but instead I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and failure. For the first time in my life, I'm having to resort to chemicals (an anti-depressant, specifically Zoloft) for relief. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. I guess you could call my fondness for the daily glass of wine (or two or three) a form of chemical therapy. Not that I've touched a drop of the stuff since I enlisted myself in this god-awful business school bootcamp. Dispossessed is the word I would use to describe my life right now. I'm about to move back to Calgary where I have no job, no home, no boyfriend. And I have no idea when I will get any of those three things. Mentally I don't think I'm ready for a job. Doesn't make sense to buy a house and take on a mortgage when I have no income (even if I were to find a banker crazy enough to lend money to an unemotionally unstable unemployed school drop-out!). And how can I possibly land myself a good guy to love me when I don't love me right now? Ah, the sheer hopelessness of it all she says as she reaches for another anti-depressant...I'm trying to tell myself that sunnier times will eventually come my way, but it's damn tough to believe that right now. posted by Cherine | 8:50 PM Wednesday, October 30, 2002 A lot has happened since I published my inaugural blog. Here's the Reader's Digest condensed version: 1) Went out with the violinist for a couple of months - it didn't work out because he was still kind of involved/enmeshed with someone else - we're still in touch - still kinda like him; 2) Went to New York to visit my sister - saw some great plays - wished I live there - jealous of sister; 3) Came back from New York in May and discovered that I had been accepted into the MBA program at the Richard Ivey School of Business at the University of Western Ontario - the best business school in Canada; 4) Quit my job, sold my house, said goodbye to family and friends, gave the cat to my parents, moved myself and everything I owned to London, Ontario; 5) Lasted two months in the most demanding, grueling, program of my life - then had a nervous breakdown; 6) Currently in therapy; 7) Facing another new beginning in my life. Despite the passage of about eight months since my last blog, some things never change. posted by Cherine | 6:31 PM |
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